A|Piece|Of|Mee

Haiz

2006-09-25T23:01:00.000-07:00

Waiting for NS to call me.. Can feel sumthing is going to go wrong very soon. Dunno why.. Anway, I guess it happened before so i may feel differently about it this time.. I hope.

2006-09-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

2006-09-23T10:33:00.000-07:00

I just have to write in today.. Duno who to confide to as i`m suppose to stray away from ThaT person. So here i am again filling in the void in my heart,the emptyness of the soul,and the confusion in my mind into the vast space of the cyberworld. I'v been viewing her blog for the past month not commenting not saying anything.. I just cant. Today, she wrote something about how our reactions in life is just something we learn from the society. We are taught how to react. I wish i cud just scold her there n then.. She's got a good life and yet she's feeling this way. This stupid theory of hers.. And i just cant disagree with her more. How can we be taught how to react and respond just how we are supposed to? We as humans have the power to do what we want and react however we choose. Do people cry or feel sad for death because they'r taught to? Haiz.. I dunt know.. Seeing her blog today made me think of when my grandpa past away.. I didnt even cry. Everyone else was crying but me. I understood what death was then. I was in secondary 2 and i know pretty much that a great person is lost in this world. And yet i cant even cry. I really feel like scolding this stupid ex of mine. -.- .. She's so lucky to have good friends around her and i hope she has a good family.. Shudnt complain to mich abt it since i think it will get to her sumhow anyway. Dunt know why i get involved with these kind of gurls sumhow..

Anyway.. Mich bdae was okae. Get to know a few random people and 1 i actually knew him from Magic. Was suprised he knows Mich too. I actually wanted to talk to my ex but i didnt had the chance to. I just miss talking about things i like with someone else. These past few days i`v been talking more to friends and it really made me feel better. I dun think i can live without my friends. And i just cant stand if i had to choose between two things. So.. the other thing i thought of was one of my own stupid theories. Its about how most religion wud say that God is mercyful etc and then there's this thing that if u didnt believe in that specific God he wunt save you. I dunt know if it's a mistake for me not to follow the teachings of my parents abt our religion but i truly believe no matter what religion u are,if u lived as a good man u'd be granted your rightful place. Not that i am one though seeing how much mistakes i made in my life.. To God: My parents taught me good and if it was a mistake not to follow then it's purely my fault. So yeah..

Have been reconnecting with Mich recently. I totally feel like i lost her as a friend at one point of time. I'm really glad its over. With Ben and the rest that i didnt kept in touch too. But seriously, i really regard Mich as my closest female friend. I have a lot of fear in me. I think that someday it will go back again and i wunt get to talk as much. It really bothers me althought nobody knows. I still dunt know how to talk to some other people again tho.. Mainly Chris,Joyce,Eng Hoo and Elena. Should just treasure the part of life that i can have now i guess. Michie, i hope we can be best friends and i was actually happy that u started to say it again recently. Uh.. Nobody views my blog now since i update anually anyway. Maybe i`l write up regularly and make it more of a practice.

Ignorance

2005-06-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

Living a dream..
A dream and a lie...
A smile every morning..
And no goodbyes..
A tear never fallen..
A frown never seen..
Although disasters come one after another..
This is a dream..

A fantasy created..
To keep me in my sleep..
Free me from myself..
And stop me from weep-
ing.. Oh,what a world...
That i could only see..
Although blind i am, still as happy as can be..

And then calamity came,
And it came for me,
"Look at your world," it said..
And then came reality..

What it took from me..
What i had lost...
A kin is gone..
Layed still there..Like frost
-ed chicken in a fridge..
And all i could do is weep..

Am i dreaming?
This must be a dream!
Wake up! I said..
And eventually i did...

Living a dream..
A dream and a lie...
A smile every morning..
And just one goodbye..
They say ignorance is bliss..
And i have to agree..
Just one goodbye...
Farewell to reality...
-end-

P.S. This has nothing to do with me. I jus wrote it sumhow. Yeah..

Heya

2005-05-16T16:31:00.000-07:00

It`s been so long since i posted huh!? :P Gonna start a new life soon. Schooling at orita.sinclair this july. All bout new media art. Web designing n stuffs like that. Hope i cud make it. Gonna do a new layout of my blog now,not that it matters since no one views it anyway... Here`s to new life :). My resurrection.

Weird Dream

2004-11-22T13:00:00.000-08:00

Had one of my weird dreams today.. Dreamt tt i was in sum place where the clock goes by a countdown system in like 24hrs. As in when u look at your watch it`l show you the time remaining till the day ends. Then the lifts became like mrts. Like yu can take the lift from your house which is at bedok to simei or some sort like that. And the mrt doesnt support cash to buy ticks and i found it troublesome cos i had no credits left. Very weird dream.. Dun get why you need mrts when u have those lifts. But the lifts wud say not for children cos it`l get u sick if u`r not used to it going sideways travelling and all.
And it all started with me playing with a worm n trying to make it eat sumthing. Then suddenly the worm cud talk and it said it wanted ice cream. LoL. Wth.. Dun ask me.. It`s jus weird. He became a worm man thingy n started playing computer games n i went down to get ice cream. I went down the lift and it was as normal at first. Then when i bought the things n wanted to go up again the lift suddenly took me to Simei. I felt very sick cos suddenly the lift went sideways n all and i was like in a roller coaster. I was sumhow suppose to be travelling out of the country on that day and so the rest of my dream was trying to figure out how to get back to my house with the 5 bucks i got in hand. That`s about all that i remember. The rest is quite vague. Dun get why i have these weird dreams... Zzzzz...

2004-11-06T05:11:00.000-08:00

Everything jus fades away

Everything jus goes

by so slowly and yet i do not know

that something i shud grab onto has jus flown

away to a far distant place that i cud not follow

and with the blurred vision of the object disappearing that i realise...

I had been chasing shadows..

2004-09-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

Sanity Devoured

My heart aches

I think it`s broken

The door`s locked

Impossible to open

No stitches will mend it

Nothing will do

No one can help me

Not even you

Nothing makes sense

All is a dream

Or maybe a nightmare

That`s what it seems

Can`t live for today

Where is tommorow

I feel so lost

And so full of sorrow

If everything that comes

Will eventually go..

Then what treasure is friendship

If that is so...

I live in shadows

Brought in by light

Diminished by darkness

Though it shares the same type

of thing that you can clearly see

The dark and shadow

In the same family tree

That`s what we are

You and I

Shadow n Darkness

Under the moonlited sky

How can i wish for something different yet something alike?

How can i wish for darkness when i need light?

Sanity Devoured

That`s what it seems.

Make sense in the senseless

Made sense to me

2004-09-02T12:55:00.000-07:00

"Treasures are for the ones whu can keep it. If you can`t have it,then it`s not worth treasuring it in the first place.."

2004-09-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

"We are the people our parents warned us about"

-Jimmy Buffett

Another past poem ^GdNyT^

2004-08-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

Nothing much happened today.. So i think i`m gonna fill the rest of the slot with my poem.
*ahem* *ahem*
As i lay me self to me sleep
I dream of thee,
Those rosy lips..
That cute soft cheeks..
Those big round eyes...
That fragrant smile..
That sense of style..
Thank You for evrything u do
Though all u did was just being you
If u`r ever down or feeling blue..
Tell me...
And i`l be there for you..
This.. I promise you..
-end-

More Work?

2004-08-27T02:42:00.000-07:00

Jus came back from work today.. So darn tired... Was suppose to work until 4pm but i extended till 1am instead. Cancelled my morning shift tommorow though. I`m getting used to the lifestyle of a waiter now.. Feel like its starting to get back to me. Looking at my hands now.. Looks as if the veins r popping a little.

While i was working i was thinking about what was the most important thing i`v learnt in life. One thing that i`v heard most from people is initiative. You MUST have iniative in order to be a good worker. Though all the people whom i heard it from are the people whom i dont want to end up like. Teachers, and the such. Boring careers.. But i think it makes most sense. Iniative is important because it gives u recognition and good outlook amongst other people. Hell,you could be a dumb jack but as long as u have iniative, people are gonna say that you did put in effort. At least you have the iniative to ask on uncertainty. At least u bothered that extra bit to think of a way yourself when no one bothers to help. That`s a lot better than jus staring point blank right?

So what is my point to all this? My point is.. i was damn bored at work to think of such silly things. And i am damn tired that i dunno what n why the hell i`m writing.. Gdnyt. ZZzz.. My hand hurts. :(

Past Poem

2004-08-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

Too tired.. So i`m just gonna leave a poem in this slot.Here goes,
---
As hard as i try
As hard as i may
As hard as i try
To fade away..
I dream of this girl
Every single day
Cuz i luv her so
Yet i cannot say...
---
I keep getting closer
Each time she smiles
Is it her character?
Or that sense of style?
---
It doesnt matter
It`s still the same.
Luv..
To me...
Still carries the same name....
And there`s no one but me to blame.....
For taking part in this silly game......
---
Fuck it i say!
What do i care?
If i`m in trouble..
She wunt be there!
---
Tell her!!
My heart would say...
Though my mind...
It takes me to a different way....
---
Which one is right?
I do not know..
I guess...
Only time wud somehow show....
---
N time DID show..
As i DIN tell...
Hoping that all wud go just as well....
---
N as hard as i try
N as hard as i may..
To try to get back...
The girl i lost one day....
I found she`s gone.....
She.....
Fade away......
---
(This is actually an entry to my online diary years back. It`s sumthing i wrote back then when stuffs happened. Not that it matters now anyway.)
-End-
Gd nitez!

=-ZzzZ*-=

2004-08-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

"In the eye of the blind,the one-eyed man is king". Go figure.

Late night bloggin

2004-08-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

Bah!! That`s the sound made from someone in distress. Someone none other than mee. Work was tough today. Wasn`t used to the frantic environment as a waiter in a hotel. It wasn`t too hard but for a moment i got lost among the regular workers there. They were like bees or ants moving thru n fro taking food here n there. And i was like.. a goofball. I`m jus another goofball! I HAD done this before so i dun really get what`s my problem of not getting the jeeze of the current situation. The manager seem to be in a bad mood today,i can only wonder why. Up until now i still can`t carry a tray on my shoulders. That`s one thing that i have always failed to do. Throughout the whole time when i was in a trance,i cudn`t decide if i shud carry the plates to the tray or jus bring a half filled tray back to the washer. It was like my first time all over again. Seeing the guest sit there holding their fork n spoons though it looks like they were done wif their meal made me well.. confused.I floated around the room like a lost soul in search for heaven;only to be bound to earth. Something without meaning. And then it came... My answer. The next course came up and i assigned myself to the task of bringing the next meal to the side tables. The whole thing consisted of only 3 courses so there wasnt much to do after that. The packing part was okay. Got really hungry then. Didn`t had much energy to carry so many of the tables back to the store room. Don`t know how i did. Maybe it`s cos of how the army trains u to do these stuffs. To endure. Anyway,that`s only half of what happened during my whole work time today. Too tired to mention the rest.

Still have to go back camp after this. Don`t think i`l be sleeping throughout. Yawn.. Too tired to even ponder on anything. I think i`m braindead.Well.. That`s a piece of mee for today. Going to my ORD function today. We`l be sitting in a dining room at Neptune hotel celebrating our release from national service. Feels more like a release from jail to me! Haha. Gonna have fun having waiters serve me instead. Hehe. Got to feel the other side of the fence for once. :P Anyways,gotta go. Will write again soon.

System Tests

2004-08-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

well,this is my first blog so i`m gonna do a system test first. Sounds kinda silly But i`m a total n00b at this. Anyways, 18th/08/04 is when my blog is born! :P Hope i can keep it going for yrs to come! Lemme see.. Let`s have an introduction of myself i guess.

I`m currently 22 maLe just coming out of my 2 yrs service for the nation. Yeah.. I consider myself to be a.. complicated individual. Most of the time lost(although i have sumthing i really want right now),but it jus seems so unreal to get there.. The rest of the time,i`m jus idling around thinking why i`m lost. Heh.. So basically right now,i`m jus thinking of my path in life. Jus got my ex job back as a part time waiter n frankly i`m not too confident i can go back to that life again. I`m doing this blog after looking at my fren`s,Jenn,someone who i`m gettin to know more of. I`m someone whu gets into things too easily.(I`m easy to get hooked on things.) My bad habits are smoking,and gaming. I`m also someone whu wunt commit to anything i`m not interested in.. I need a drive to work. I believe i`m loyal to my friends,and unfortunately mercyful to my enemies. Something which might not be good considering it puts me in a disadvantage. My best buds are those i kept from secondary school and some in which i got to know in a channel,#98.7fm. I like sushis,mangas,anime,gaming;especially games that involves risk taking n luck. I think that`s about all for now. Kinda late n tired. :)

So i guess that`s my first blog.