Waiting for NS to call me.. Can feel sumthing is going to go wrong very soon. Dunno why.. Anway, I guess it happened before so i may feel differently about it this time.. I hope.

I just have to write in today.. Duno who to confide to as i`m suppose to stray away from ThaT person. So here i am again filling in the void in my heart,the emptyness of the soul,and the confusion in my mind into the vast space of the cyberworld. I'v been viewing her blog for the past month not commenting not saying anything.. I just cant. Today, she wrote something about how our reactions in life is just something we learn from the society. We are taught how to react. I wish i cud just scold her there n then.. She's got a good life and yet she's feeling this way. This stupid theory of hers.. And i just cant disagree with her more. How can we be taught how to react and respond just how we are supposed to? We as humans have the power to do what we want and react however we choose. Do people cry or feel sad for death because they'r taught to? Haiz.. I dunt know.. Seeing her blog today made me think of when my grandpa past away.. I didnt even cry. Everyone else was crying but me. I understood what death was then. I was in secondary 2 and i know pretty much that a great person is lost in this world. And yet i cant even cry. I really feel like scolding this stupid ex of mine. -.- .. She's so lucky to have good friends around her and i hope she has a good family.. Shudnt complain to mich abt it since i think it will get to her sumhow anyway. Dunt know why i get involved with these kind of gurls sumhow..

Anyway.. Mich bdae was okae. Get to know a few random people and 1 i actually knew him from Magic. Was suprised he knows Mich too. I actually wanted to talk to my ex but i didnt had the chance to. I just miss talking about things i like with someone else. These past few days i`v been talking more to friends and it really made me feel better. I dun think i can live without my friends. And i just cant stand if i had to choose between two things. So.. the other thing i thought of was one of my own stupid theories. Its about how most religion wud say that God is mercyful etc and then there's this thing that if u didnt believe in that specific God he wunt save you. I dunt know if it's a mistake for me not to follow the teachings of my parents abt our religion but i truly believe no matter what religion u are,if u lived as a good man u'd be granted your rightful place. Not that i am one though seeing how much mistakes i made in my life.. To God: My parents taught me good and if it was a mistake not to follow then it's purely my fault. So yeah..

Have been reconnecting with Mich recently. I totally feel like i lost her as a friend at one point of time. I'm really glad its over. With Ben and the rest that i didnt kept in touch too. But seriously, i really regard Mich as my closest female friend. I have a lot of fear in me. I think that someday it will go back again and i wunt get to talk as much. It really bothers me althought nobody knows. I still dunt know how to talk to some other people again tho.. Mainly Chris,Joyce,Eng Hoo and Elena. Should just treasure the part of life that i can have now i guess. Michie, i hope we can be best friends and i was actually happy that u started to say it again recently. Uh.. Nobody views my blog now since i update anually anyway. Maybe i`l write up regularly and make it more of a practice.

Living a dream..
A dream and a lie...
A smile every morning..
And no goodbyes..
A tear never fallen..
A frown never seen..
Although disasters come one after another..
This is a dream..

A fantasy created..
To keep me in my sleep..
Free me from myself..
And stop me from weep-
ing.. Oh,what a world...
That i could only see..
Although blind i am, still as happy as can be..

And then calamity came,
And it came for me,
"Look at your world," it said..
And then came reality..

What it took from me..
What i had lost...
A kin is gone..
Layed still there..Like frost
-ed chicken in a fridge..
And all i could do is weep..

Am i dreaming?
This must be a dream!
Wake up! I said..
And eventually i did...

Living a dream..
A dream and a lie...
A smile every morning..
And just one goodbye..
They say ignorance is bliss..
And i have to agree..
Just one goodbye...
Farewell to reality...
-end-

P.S. This has nothing to do with me. I jus wrote it sumhow. Yeah..

It`s been so long since i posted huh!? :P Gonna start a new life soon. Schooling at orita.sinclair this july. All bout new media art. Web designing n stuffs like that. Hope i cud make it. Gonna do a new layout of my blog now,not that it matters since no one views it anyway... Here`s to new life :). My resurrection.

Had one of my weird dreams today.. Dreamt tt i was in sum place where the clock goes by a countdown system in like 24hrs. As in when u look at your watch it`l show you the time remaining till the day ends. Then the lifts became like mrts. Like yu can take the lift from your house which is at bedok to simei or some sort like that. And the mrt doesnt support cash to buy ticks and i found it troublesome cos i had no credits left. Very weird dream.. Dun get why you need mrts when u have those lifts. But the lifts wud say not for children cos it`l get u sick if u`r not used to it going sideways travelling and all.
And it all started with me playing with a worm n trying to make it eat sumthing. Then suddenly the worm cud talk and it said it wanted ice cream. LoL. Wth.. Dun ask me.. It`s jus weird. He became a worm man thingy n started playing computer games n i went down to get ice cream. I went down the lift and it was as normal at first. Then when i bought the things n wanted to go up again the lift suddenly took me to Simei. I felt very sick cos suddenly the lift went sideways n all and i was like in a roller coaster. I was sumhow suppose to be travelling out of the country on that day and so the rest of my dream was trying to figure out how to get back to my house with the 5 bucks i got in hand. That`s about all that i remember. The rest is quite vague. Dun get why i have these weird dreams... Zzzzz...